Home Alone‘s a light-hearted comedy, or at least that’s the way it felt in the 90s when us older Millenials were kids. Watching the film as an adult is nostalgic, fun, and also pretty horrific. Kevin McAllister is adorable and spunky, but also small, vulnerable, utterly alone, and at the mercy of two extremely dangerous robbers who take great delight in taunting him. The fantasy is that Kevin’s not only perfectly okay in this scenario, but that he, an abandoned eight-year-old who’s already been terrified by his stalkers, can turn his sprawling suburban house into a complicated labyrinth of effective traps.
No amount of personal cheese pizzas and ice cream for dinner can tide the trauma this undoubtedly caused. To make matters worse, the boy gets abandoned again New York City shortly afterwards, and ends up being stalked by the same two men who tortured him the first time. To help fill this narrative void, 35-year-old Macaulay Culkin has reprised his role as Kevin McAllister, and it turns out he’s not doing very well.
Culkin’s character kicks off a web series called DRYVRS by Jack Dishel. The over-arching premise is stories from an Uber-life service, and in this case, the now-married Kevin opens up to his passenger about his troubled past, a past that is still haunting him, suggesting he’s suffering from PTSD. And, rightfully so.
“It’s Christmas time, it’s f**king Christmas, and your whole family goes on vacation,
he tells his passenger who has become his driver because it turns out grown up Kevin doesn’t really know how to drive. “Whole family! And they forget their eight-year-old f**king son. All by yourself. For a week!”
“I had to fend off my house from two psychopath home invaders,” he continues, the whole experience fresh on his face. “I still have nightmares about this bald weirdo dude chasing me around, talking like Yosemite Sam. ‘I’m gonna rip your fingernails out.’ ‘I’m gonna get you, you little scamp!’ They don’t even curse, callin’ me like ‘louse’ and shit like that.”
After his confessional, things get even more bizarre for his unsuspecting ride-sharing customer. This satisfyingly disturbing video is also another link in Grantland’s Jason Concepcion’s theory that Kevin may actually be Jigsaw from the Saw movies. One thing’s clear: Kevin definitely hasn’t spent much time in therapy since his devastating childhood adventures.